Your weekly custody schedule probably works fine most of the time. Then a holiday comes up, and suddenly nobody is sure what happens. Who gets Thanksgiving this year? Does Christmas Eve count more than Christmas Day? What if the holiday falls during the other parent’s usual week?
Looking at a few real child custody holiday schedule examples can help. Seeing how other families in New York and New Jersey have handled these dates gives you something to build from, instead of starting with a blank page.
This guide covers how courts in both states look at holiday time, how families typically split specific holidays, and how to write your plan down so it actually holds up when you need it.
Why Holidays Need Their Own Plan
Most custody orders spell out a regular weekday and weekend schedule. Holidays don’t fit neatly into that. They only come around once a year, they carry more emotional weight than an average Tuesday, and they often involve extended family, travel, or religious traditions that matter a lot to your family.
It helps to know the difference between two terms you’ll see a lot. Custody covers who makes decisions for your child, like school choices or medical care. Parenting time, sometimes still called visitation, covers when your child is physically with each parent. A holiday schedule falls under parenting time, and it can override your regular schedule on specific dates. That’s exactly why it needs to be written out clearly, rather than left as something you and your co-parent just remember the same way.
New York’s Approach to Holiday Custody Schedules
In New York, custody and parenting time cases go through Family Court, or through Supreme Court if they’re part of a divorce. Judges generally want parents to work out a written parenting time schedule, including holidays, on their own. If you can’t agree, the court will step in and set one for you. According to the New York court system’s guidance on custody and visitation, decisions come down to what’s best for the child, with the goal of keeping both parents involved in a meaningful way.
New York doesn’t hand out one standard holiday schedule to every family. Instead, a judge looks at your child’s school calendar, your family’s religious practices, and how far apart you and the other parent live before approving a plan.
New Jersey’s Approach to Holiday Custody Schedules
New Jersey courts also start from a best interests standard. That standard comes from N.J.S.A. 9:2-4, the state law that lists what judges have to consider in a custody case, things like how well the parents communicate, how stable each home is, and how close the child is with each parent. Many New Jersey counties also lean on a standard court holiday schedule as a starting point when parents can’t agree on their own. That schedule usually alternates major holidays based on whether the year is even or odd.
Since the two states run their courts a bit differently, it’s worth checking your own county’s local rules, or talking to an attorney who knows your court, before you lock in a final plan.
Child Custody Holiday Schedule Examples for Common Holidays
When you look at real child custody holiday schedule examples, a few patterns keep showing up. Here’s how families commonly divide the holidays that cause the most disagreements.
Thanksgiving. Some families switch the whole day back and forth each year. Others split it by time, so one parent gets the morning and the big meal, and the other gets the evening.
Christmas. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day both matter to a lot of families, so a common approach gives one parent Christmas Eve through Christmas morning, and the other parent the rest of the day. Then the order flips the next year.
New Year’s Eve and Day. These often follow the same back-and-forth pattern as Christmas. Sometimes they’re paired together, so whichever parent doesn’t have Christmas gets New Year’s instead.
Passover and Easter. Families who observe these holidays often give them their own dedicated time block, rather than lumping them in with a general spring break schedule. That matters if a Seder or a church service is part of your family’s usual routine.
Halloween. Some parents switch off trick-or-treating each year. Others split the evening, with one parent handling the early hours and the other taking over once it gets dark.
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. These days almost always stay fixed instead of alternating. Your child spends Mother’s Day with mom and Father’s Day with dad, no matter whose regular week it happens to be.
Three-day weekends and school breaks. Presidents’ Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and longer breaks like winter or spring break often switch each year, or get split roughly down the middle.
Birthdays. Some families alternate who has the child on their actual birthday. Others keep the birthday on the regular schedule but make sure both parents get some kind of celebration time with the child, even if it’s not on the exact day.
These child custody holiday schedule examples point to a simple rule of thumb. If a holiday is really just one day, alternate it by year. If both halves of the day matter, split it by time block instead. If your family already shares time close to equally, our guide to holiday schedules for 50/50 parenting arrangements walks through a few more options worth considering.
Building a Holiday Custody Schedule Template You Can Use
Once you know which pattern fits your family, the next step is writing it down. A solid holiday custody schedule template should answer a few basic questions for every holiday it covers:
- Which parent has the child, and during what exact hours
- Whether the holiday switches every year, and which year each parent starts with
- Where the pickup and drop-off will happen
- Who’s responsible for driving
- What happens if the holiday lands on a day that would normally belong to the other parent
That level of detail matters because vague wording causes most holiday arguments. If your schedule just says “alternating holidays” with no dates or times attached, you and your co-parent might remember the agreement two different ways. But if it says “Dad has the kids from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving in even-numbered years, with pickup at [location],” there’s not much left to argue about.
If you’re building your first plan, our step-by-step guide to creating a joint custody holiday schedule breaks it down holiday by holiday. If you’re in New Jersey, our parenting time guide for holidays covers the details specific to that state.
When Parents Can’t Agree on a Holiday Schedule
Not every family works this out on their own, and that’s okay. If you and your co-parent hit a wall on holidays, you have a few options.
Mediation. A neutral third party sits down with both of you and helps you work through the disagreement without going in front of a judge. It’s usually faster and cheaper than going to court, and you both end up with a say in the final plan.
Court intervention. If mediation doesn’t get you anywhere, either parent can ask the court to set a holiday schedule. The judge will look at your current custody order, how well you and the other parent have cooperated in the past, and what your child needs before making a decision.
Modification. If your holiday schedule used to work but doesn’t anymore, maybe because of a move or a new job, either parent can ask to change it. This has to go through a formal process. A change you and your co-parent agree to over text isn’t enforceable on its own.
Attorneys who handle child custody cases and parenting time disputes can help you figure out which option makes sense for your situation, and what judges in your county tend to do with holiday disagreements.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
A handful of mistakes show up in holiday custody disputes over and over, and most of them are easy to avoid.
Leaving times vague. “Christmas” isn’t a schedule. “December 25th, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.” is.
Not planning for travel. If either parent likes to travel over the holidays, spell out how much notice is needed and how far the child can go.
Ignoring the real school calendar. Winter and spring break dates aren’t the same everywhere, especially between New York and New Jersey districts. Build your schedule around your child’s actual calendar.
Forgetting the logistics. Decide ahead of time who’s driving, where the exchange happens, and what happens if someone runs late.
Not writing it down. A verbal agreement that worked last year might not hold up if there’s a disagreement this year. Get the plan in writing and keep your own copy.
Get Your Holiday Schedule in Writing
Reading through child custody holiday schedule examples from other families is a good place to start, but the plan that actually works for you will depend on your child’s routine, your family’s traditions, and how your local court handles these cases. Whether you’re writing your first holiday custody schedule template or fixing one that isn’t working, spelling out exact dates, times, and locations will save you a lot of back and forth later.
If you’re working through a holiday schedule disagreement, or you need help turning your parenting time plan into something formal and enforceable, contact Krasner Law to talk through your options.
